Hey everybody, this is Doc V from Call, Sign, Wizard, and today we're going to be talking about Survivor's Guilt, Moral Injury, and Holiday Stressors. The holidays are a time of year when therapists like you and I are going to be shifting our focus a bit to speak with veterans about how they can, navigate a season that can feel very heavy for them. As both a clinician and someone who has served in uniform in Iraq during the holidays, I know that this period can stir up complex emotions for the veterans that we serve. The world around us might be celebrating, People might be hanging lights and ringing in the holiday, but inside their minds, many veterans are still wrestling with memories and meanings that are not just easily captured by all the celebration, the tinsel, the wreaths, and tree lightings. So welcome back to Call Sign Wizard, the podcast for therapists who work with veterans. I'm your host, Doc V, a veteran therapist, and your guide to understanding the unique challenges veterans face. Each week we'll be diving into critical topics like PTSD, chronic pain, military culture, and evidence based treatments to help you better understand and serve those who served. Whether you're a seasoned therapist or new to working with veterans, this podcast is here to provide you with the insights and tools you need. It's important to understand that what emerges during the holidays might not just be nostalgia or sadness, but also survivor's guilt. Survivor's guilt has a way of resurfacing when the contrast between all the festive party functions and those losses, the absent brothers and sisters in arms grows more apparent. A veteran who lost friends may find the holidays ring hollow for them and bring that sense or that question of why me or even why not me for that matter. An unspoken question that can intrude on and plague their thoughts. For some, it's not only guilt, But something deeper, moral injury. This involves carrying the weight of the actions taken, or not taken, during service. Choices that are still questioned, or events that were witnessed, that challenge core moral values. The holidays, with their insistence on joy, giving, and goodwill, can shine a spotlight on these inner conflicts, leaving a veteran feeling disconnected from their friends, the celebrations that are going on, and even disconnected from themselves. As therapists, we have an opportunity here. Start by acknowledging these emotions head on. Reminder clients that survivor's guilt and moral injury are not signs of weakness, but they're reflections of, of the fact that they're still human, that they're still have their sensitive moral compasses and empathetic hearts. Feeling unsettled by memories doesn't dishonor the holiday season. In fact, it may honor the depth and gravity of what they experienced. Encourage veterans to name their feelings and consider incorporating new traditions, such as quiet rituals that acknowledge their losses. Maybe lighting a candle for someone, writing an unsent letter, or visiting a memorial. Such acts aren't dwelling on the negative. They're providing honesty and integrity to the holiday narrative and creating new holiday traditions for the veteran. Sharing stories with a trusted friend or a therapist can ease survivor's guilt at this time. Feeling sorrow won't diminish love or gratitude for those that are still here. For moral injury, consider what moral repair might look like. Advocacy or service during this holiday season can help the veteran, or maybe even helping younger veterans. Processing painful memories through EMDR or other trauma focused treatments, can alleviate some of the sting and open up space for meaning making for the veteran. The holiday season's time bound nature can help set a gentle pace. For this month, for example, we can say, Let's focus on strategies that keep you from feeling overwhelmed. If you're a veteran listening, know that you deserve to define these holidays for yourself. Grief, guilt, remorse, and moral anguish, don't need to overshadow the season. We can recognize that these emotions reflect care and honor, not weakness. With time, support, and compassion, both from yourself and from those around you, those that care about you, you can find a way to acknowledge your experiences without letting them dictate every holiday memory. In the therapy room, these weeks can be a potent time for healing. By addressing survivor's guilt, moral injury, and emotional complexities that veterans are carrying during the holiday, we can guide them to more acceptance and growth. The holidays may never be simple or carefree again, but they can become honest meaningful and even hopeful. Let's continue helping our veteran clients find a season where their truths are welcomed and what they're burdened with is recognized. The holidays can also spotlight family expectations, social pressures, and sensory overload. While many enjoy the brightness and the bustle, veterans find that Festive gatherings intensify some of these internal conflicts they're experiencing. Questions about who deserves gratitude, memories that collide with the season's harmony, and the strain of meeting family's hopes while managing personal limits. As therapists, we can equip veterans with strategies for all of these scenarios. To handle curious or probing questions from family members, we want to encourage veterans to set boundaries. Help them with Things that they could say such as, I appreciate your interest, but I'm not comfortable talking about that right now. Or, for those that want to thank you for your service, right, that, that come and say thank you for your service. Suggest that veterans respond politely while privately honoring fallen comrades in their own way. This acknowledges kindness without erasing the complex emotions that the veterans experiencing and sensory triggers are everywhere. The crowded, par, crowded parties, sudden noises, cramped spaces that echo. their past hypervigilance and alertness. In these moments, we want to encourage the veteran to use their grounding skills, their mindfulness exercise, and maybe even use pre agreed signals for spouses or partners for stepping outside the situation to regain their composure. You can remind veterans that needing breaks is self care. It's not failure. And we want to also note that there's some intimate family dynamics, and bring those into focus as well. So we've addressed how curious relatives and festive crowds can be overwhelming, but sometimes the greatest challenges are at home. with our spouses and partners. Under the same roof, spouses, partners, and children have their own hopes and traditions. Hanging lights, attending recitals or pageants, going to neighborhood parties. Family may want the veteran fully present and engaged. Love is at the heart of these expectations. But they can also create stress. The veteran, might feel trapped between personal needs, what they need to deal with their own symptoms, like stepping away early, sitting near an exit, or avoiding certain conversations. And on the other side, the family's desire to preserve a normal holiday. A spouse may fear that leaving early will spark questions from extended relatives or that declining events means that they're going to miss out, have some fear of missing out. And children may have no understanding, of why a veteran parent seems distant or anxious during what's supposed to be a fun, joyful time. As therapists, we can encourage veterans to have proactive conversations. with their spouse and older children before the invitations roll in. This dialogue can clarify what's manageable. Maybe we can attend one large event, but, might want to leave early. Or we can, focus on just smaller, quieter traditions at home. It's not about refusing to participate at all, but engaging thoughtfully and safely. So that everyone's emotional well being is respected. Families might feel disappointed or resentful. because of dashed expectations. A spouse might think, I planned all of this and now we have to leave early. And these feelings that they have are valid. We want to help veterans acknowledge the family's emotional landscape. We can tell them to say things to their families, such as, I know you were looking forward to staying longer. I appreciate how important this is to you. And just this recognition can often soften the family's frustration. We can have them suggest compromises, like setting that signal for a quick break, or make some small agreements. And these small agreements can reframe the situation from a battle of wills to A shared challenge to overcome a stressful situation. If tensions do arise, you want to suggest family counseling or a brief joint meeting that can provide a neutral space for everyone's hopes and fears. Empathy goes both ways. So you can remind the spouse that the veteran's discomfort isn't a personal rejection of them, of their traditions. And we can remind the veteran that the spouse's frustration often comes from a desire for connection and tradition. For children, keep explanations simple and reassuring. Maybe say something along the lines of, Sometimes big parties make me feel nervous because of my service experiences. It's not your fault, and it doesn't mean I don't love being with you. Children can be surprisingly understanding when given honest reasons that don't blame them. Our role is to help veterans understand they're not villains for needing boundaries. They're healing and reconnecting. And they're doing this while their family is also adapting. With open dialogue, Realistic boundaries, compromises, and empathy. The holiday season can shift from a minefield of guilt and resentment to a place of understanding, opportunity, and growth. Even amid, complexity, families can remember what truly matters. Caring about each other and working toward shared peace, one conversation at a time. In all of this, honesty is key. The holidays need not be forced to cheer. They can become a season for honest reflection, new traditions, and balanced expectations. Veterans, their families, and therapists can collaborate to integrate. survivor's guilt and moral injury, and what the family needs, into a coherent holiday narrative. One that acknowledges pain and honors complexity, yet still allows room for connection, growth, and hope. Ultimately, these efforts help transform the holidays from an emotional minefield into an environment where truth, empathy, and love can coexist. By planning ahead, communicating openly, and showing compassion for the veterans experiences, the family's desires, and the heart's vulnerabilities, this season can evolve into something meaningful and true for everyone involved. As we wrap up this episode of Call Sign Wizard, I want to thank you for joining me on this journey to understanding our veterans and what they face, and the ways that we as therapists can support them, especially during the holidays. Remember the work that we do matters, and the small steps that we take validate, guide, and care for our veterans, and that can, make a profound difference in their lives and the lives of their families. If you found today's discussion helpful, share this episode with a colleague or someone who could benefit. as always, keep the conversation going, whether it's with your clients, your peers, or your own family. Together we can help veterans find a sense of peace and connection, even in the toughest of seasons. Until next time, this is Call Sign Wizard, wishing you clarity, compassion, and courage in all the work you do. See you next time.